Everyday Invalidations More About Deadbeats, Losers and Micro Managers

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I have experienced some emotions to the extreme in the workplace.  Often times they were mine and sometimes they were the so called leaders and managers who supposedly had the control, finesse and academic pedigree to solve problems.  What is a deadbeat leader, manager or company as per my purview and experience?

A deadbeat does not validate exchange of business, they do not say thank you.  In fact not only are they ungrateful they ask for more business as  you experience the emotional residue of disingenuous care and concern.

The agency recruitment business is the absolute worst for these acts of coercion and fabricated emotions of concern and compassion.  In my 2nd year running a desk 2008 it was the owner told me that we do not have time to say thank you to anyone, we send them a Christmas card that should be enough.

Clearly this is a deadbeat, loser and she was a micro manager to boot!

There are 2 parties that collaborate to make an offer of employment.  A client company and a prospective candidate.  Both are of equal value and both are to be validated if the agreement is negotiated, signed and executed.  The simple act of validation of those people that do business with you is almost extinct.

What has taken its place?  The speed of greed and mass emailed thank you cards.

What a sham!  We are at choice and basic humanity to say thank you and validate business clients, and service users.

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Everyday Invalidations Drop The Deadbeats

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I am reading Cradle2Cradle by William McDonough and Michael Braumgart.  Close to the end of the book they write about putting C2C aka Eco-efficiency into practice.  There are 5 steps they suggest taking in order to change your operating paradigm.

The 1st being get ‘free of’ known culprits notably toxic chemicals and popular pollutants we consume and dump in the environment.  So with that in mind I am bit by bit dropping deadbeats and potential deadbeats during my job search and career re-purposing project.

If during a meeting with a potential client company they cannot answer my 5 screening questions or carry the conversation they are dropped, No Soup for you!  There is a time in one’s life to reclaim some respect and compassion during change events.

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Everyday Invalidations Speaking A Truth No One Wants To Hear

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When it comes right down to it no one wants to change.  No one really wants to be different or leave their comfort habits for something unknown that promises a better world.  No one really wants to take a good look at the darker side of change; that being the unconscious pain and resistance that often accompanies a disruption, transformation, etc, etc.  The duality to change is a topic most would rather deny, invalidate and sweep under the carpet.  By investing in the repression and suppression of the emotions that are associated with change existentially our flaws and imperfections are left at bay not to be disturbed.

There are a great many thinkers and doers of change today in the world trying to improve the quality of life for us all.  The resistance, denial and invalidation of their efforts manifests in a form of fear of loss.  Loss of power, ego position, riches and control or the illusion of control.  And here is where I pick up or plug in the theme of Change, Loss and Grief that is associated with Ernest Becker as well as Stephen Karpman.  It is better to live out an anxious life script as a Victim of drama than it is to overcome and face the anxiety or our potential flaws and imperfections and face the greatest future change that is the fate of us all, death.   For I propose there is a loss and grief reaction with most life events we are unaware of.  What happens to those trapped and unprocessed emotions?

And that is a truth no one wants to talk about or hear, especially in the business world.

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Everyday Invalidations Ignorance And Change

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The unofficial definition I will use here is an unawareness either motivated or unmotivated of reality for the word ignorant.  I admit for many years I was ignorant and to some extent I am still so but not that much.  I duly note that I am not enlightened nor a saint rather somewhere in between.

Ignorance is a great business to be in.  It never goes out of style there seems to be a good chunk of the population who invests in denial and invalidation.  But how to help those who wish to remain ignorant of change or moreover gain greater dissociation between reality and their ignorance?  I find there is far too much stock put into cures and therapeutic actions no one wants to really know the truth, the anxiety can be overwhelming.

Often the struggle may seem like it is with others however upon closer inquiry it is with ourselves and our constant love hate drama we design with our hours and minutes.

Take up a stupidly small practice of self compassion and love. It is not easy being you or me.  And for that reason self compassion can nullify ignorance in my books, it is a change agent a tool for the path to a gentler conversation with oneself.

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Everyday Invalidations The Invalidation Of Loss

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I am back to this which is a sub set of Change, Loss and Grief.  Loss is denied, invalidated and often repressed.  As I read Ernest Becker there seems to be more evidence that it is what we do best, deny and invalidate or distract ourselves with meaningless tasks.  The anxiety is too great.  We do not like the pain physical or emotional and more so the fact that we are weak and error prone.  Loss and bad events happen to everyone else not ‘me’.

The deeper dive for me is how is psychoanalysis connected to change, loss and grief in the workplace?

What happens psychologically unconsciously when a business experiences a change?

How much hidden emotional residue is left over?

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Everyday Invalidations How Does Change Occur?

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My answer to this may not be what this hot, sexy and popular nor mainstream.  I suggest that changes occurs out of curiosity of pain and suffering.  It is with the investigative and mindful orientation that there is a possibility for some root causes and truths to be revealed and provided meaning.

I continue to read The Denial of Death by Becker and he is very slowly providing me with insight into why we flee from personal inquiry of unconscious habits and behaviors, sheer terror at facing the truth of our fragile selves.  No wonder that in the change management game the failure rate of change projects and efforts remains stable at 70-80%.   We can negotiate logically with the business case for change however I suggest that we are still having a hard time getting to the core drivers that remain unspoken and hidden beneath the water.

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Everyday Invalidations Defenseless

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I am reading The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker for the 2nd time.  My 1st reading was years ago when I had a lot more foolish energy and lack of focus.

When a change intervention leaves one defenseless what then?  Defenseless I mean the garden variety levels of neurotic behaviors, and psychological defenses aimed to reducing the anxiety of being alive.  When the excuses are gone, when the addictions have vanished or at least arrested for a time being, when a degree of emotional sobriety has taken hold then what?

How are we to live our normal secure repressed lives?  Humbly and Vulnerably?

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