Everyday Invalidations The Real Problem

My guess about the real problem is the we still do not do emotions very well.  We don’t grieve change and loss at least in Canada and/or North America.  Our social system is one of intellectual invalidation, a dismissal if you will.  If it can’t be boxed, measured, quantified to big data we often are not interested.  If technology can just help us shortcut the emotion of living, “I’ll buy that for a dollar!”

I will begin to challenge and contrast the Kubler Ross model of Grief and Change with that of other thinkers and methods in future posts.  How does grief recovery and change management/agency relate to loss?  Notably job loss, mine that is.   My curiosity takes me to that question after years of repressing it due to fear.  There are the structural components of job loss and search.  Those being the termination, layoff or resignation notice that is accompanied by the federal government record of employment.  The subsequent search tasks are resume, cover letter and interview preparation with some sprinklings of

Testing, assessments, and/or appraisals.  What about the emotional side of that journey, the actual change piece?  Who helps deconstruct and make sense of that change?

My searches have led me to this answer no one and everyone.  The emotional quicksand of loss is an area I find that most people fear to tread.  Instead we often provide written overviews or one liners that are aimed at helping in an intellectual way that masquerades as invalidation.  We are socialized to invalidate.  What happens to the emotional energy from the change or loss  experienced?  It is repressed, denied, or does it vanish into thin air?  Does it need voice, would it like to have voice in order to provide meaning, shape, sound and feeling of the relationship that is no more?

The takeaway for today, question and be curious about those who invalidate your change, loss and grief.   What caused them to say or do that?  Ask yourself what emotional nourishment you are needing during the change journey?

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