How much is this worth? How much is this event worth to me? Emotionally, financially, energetically (read effort) and time wasted or invested.
Is it a family event or matter? Then there is a good probability that the above factors can be multiplied by 10X. Family events are mired in dysfunctional assumptions and belief systems of power and control that keep the drama triangle operating.
Step back and take a good hard detached look at the energy being expended. What causes that level of drive or motive? Who needs air time? Who is asking the ‘why’ questions? How does the system work? This will help you gauge how much energy you place in the event and where you place it?
I am far from a smart guy with pristine academic pedigree however I do have a smidgen of common sense and I find that can be the equalizer in some situations.
The take away is this, think at all times from a system perspective. Ask where does the energy flow in the system? Who has the power and who wants the power?