Why is a triggers defense as it implies a need to explain an action or a decision. It is a questions that seems innocent yet elicits anxiety due to a subtle degree of judgement.
Why did you do that? try this What caused you to take that action? or How did you arrive at that decision? Yes it is simple not easy to do as we are wired for “why’s”, judgement and invalidation. There is hope for us if we learn to use what and how.