What do the above have in common? Think. There is someone telling you something. This is quite different from a conversation. Many people are very good at being armchair counselors and therapists. They are good tellers with opinionated “shoulds”. Their energy is invested and spent in getting someone else to change. I have played that game and it is a fools errand, it does not work.
What to do? The first step in a change is awareness. Where are you and who are you with? How safe are these people? What do they want? What do you want? If you have tuned into this blog then you might be interested in emotional survival or not. This does not mean that you will be bullet proof. It does mean that you can increase your odds of defending and deflecting against invalidation, scoldings, and other dismissive emotional products on the shelves currently. Awareness does not come automatically to most of us for some it does.
Where do the opinionated “shoulds” come from? They arise from living a life of drama and rescue, ” I am only trying to help.” It is a game with tremendous energy investment from the rescuer and often a loosing one. How do you know so much? I am a recovering rescuer that is how. The energy is either direct or indirect control for change of you as often they have a hard time controlling themselves so the energy is projected outward.
The take away for today, read and practice awareness and mindfulness. Ask curious questions of yourself and others. What caused them to say that? What caused me to say that in reply? You are at choice at all times.