Everyday Invalidations Taking Hostages At Home

There are predictable patters to most behavior of people.  Emotional black mail, the need to be right, correct and invalidate are subtle forms of hostage taking or emotional demands placed on a person or a group of people-it is a control thing or the illusion of control.  There is a payoff under the game that is played and this post is not long enough to explain it.  I do not advocate harming the person who takes you or others hostage. I am a big supporter of the phrase “Do no harm and take no shit.”  Angry statements, insults or other juvenile attempts to coerce change will be met with defensiveness and aggression mostly.  So knowing that set yourself up for strength.

First do not be needy or codependent or controlling yourself.

Second  critically re examine your beliefs and assumptions about family.  Yes they are related but are they your friends?  Some are some are not.  Drop the victim line “But they are my family.”

Third critically re examine your conjugal relationship.  Yes they are hanging around and you have a house and kids and share finances but do you like each other?  What are the assumptions YOU are holding onto about this causal relationship?  Yes you are 50% of the constraint and suffering.  Needy, co dependent?????  Til death do us part,love and the rest of it?? Think again they are out to move their agenda and if that means running you over oh well your bad luck.  They need help getting their agenda moving what ever that is or they would not be hanging around with you.  Think, think and think some more.  Go beyond self help and love will conquer all.  Think you are in a negotiation to move an agenda or in a situation where someone is trying to take you hostage.  Think!

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