We learn emotional blackmail and hostage taking at home very early in our given family system of origin. We learn our dose of sociopathy here as well. Manipulation, lying, coercion, and anti social disorders. There is a way out of the script and a way to disarm the sociopath and emotional hostage taker your family or your in-laws family.
Define the system first. Who, what, when, where why and how. WTF? what is going on here? Who gets the most attention? What is unspoken? How much suffering do you witness? How much blame or emotional project comes your way? That may be too much to comprehend right now however define the system is the first thing this will give you a foothold and a foundation for later negotiations with the hostage takers.
Second what is the objective of the family system from your point of view? Where does the power and control lie? Who has it and why? Who wants it and why? What is the objective of the system? Here are a few guesses of a system that is in suffering. The objective may be denial of the systems dysfunction, or it may be to cover up past addictions or current abuse and neglect or it may be religious doctrine adherence or it may be love and compassion. Even in a system that actively promotes and campaigns as one of love an compassion there is hostage taking. Look at the actions more so than the words. Does the system act with love and compassion or does it drip with disdain and resentment?