Everyday Invalidations The Anatomy Of An Insult

I give this to you dear readers as my unintended gift.  I made a comment on a facebook picture today that seemed quite innocuous but it was not.  I was publicly called out as a jerk and then hunted down via FB Instant Message and called a litany of names not once but 3 times.  This post is not for pity or sympathy merely analytics.

Insults are a form of control.  All profanities aside I will go with goof, idiot, looser, not a man, etc.  Repeated insults with emotional escalation are forms of frustration of lack of control and invalidation.  The world is not turning out how I expected and it is your fault.

So how to handle or how did I handle this via IM.

Mirror and validate what was said

Label the emotion “it seems like this has really disturbed you emotionally”

and send they replied with a host of emotional out pouring about how I was supposed to act.  So there you go.  And then I started again to dig a bit deeper.  Please remember that insults are their problem.

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