I give this to you dear readers as my unintended gift. I made a comment on a facebook picture today that seemed quite innocuous but it was not. I was publicly called out as a jerk and then hunted down via FB Instant Message and called a litany of names not once but 3 times. This post is not for pity or sympathy merely analytics.
Insults are a form of control. All profanities aside I will go with goof, idiot, looser, not a man, etc. Repeated insults with emotional escalation are forms of frustration of lack of control and invalidation. The world is not turning out how I expected and it is your fault.
So how to handle or how did I handle this via IM.
Mirror and validate what was said
Label the emotion “it seems like this has really disturbed you emotionally”
and send they replied with a host of emotional out pouring about how I was supposed to act. So there you go. And then I started again to dig a bit deeper. Please remember that insults are their problem.