This One is Going to Hurt…..

I am money panic attack number 17 for the week.  The engines are stalling, I am loosing air speed and dropping fast.  Hmmm, money is a powerful force and energy as is health and food.  Why then is my weight dropping and I am getting stronger as I get older?  Simple I have made an internal choice never to be fat or slow or weak!  Simple, the inner POV has shifted.  Being fat, sick and poor is now way to go through a day.  Appreciation of what is and what can be re-written.  Cash and my beliefs and values to it are critical to moving forward at 42 years of age.  If not I will repeat my relationship again and again with cash and cash flow energy.   What is my relationship with money?  Poverty, illness and low energy are not appealing to me.  This does not mean that I have to be arrogant to drive a hard bargain as they say.

I enjoy running, swimming and the rest not because I hope others will like me but because I love myself and intend for the highest level of self respect and appreciation.  My morning breakfast has gone beyond weight loss and into the realm of self care and self acceptance.  Hmm why is the money issue lacking?  What needs to be done here?  Where have I been different with cash, when and why?  This I think is the root of where the inquiry can begin.  The topic and/or subject of the AI can be my relationship to cash, money and cash flow.  What meta stories do I continue to tell myself?  Why?  Where did they come from?  Can they be changed?

I am the only one left, just me.  No ex-wives, kids, any payments ,etc.   The current debt load I carry I have constructed by myself. The materials used were lack of business awareness and/or appraisal skills and the pollyanna view that all will turn out in my favor.  I have at least 20-25 years left to build cash.  I am 42 so I think if all goes well then I can get to 65-70 all alone.  What might level 1 wealth be?  what would that look like?  Hmm, let’s try a 50% debt reduction and a gross 30 day cash flow of 2500.00.  Hmmm, this may need more work.

Re-story and money transition.  Life and death cycles.  Faith and focus.  My own peaks and valleys on life, energy and money.  What happened?  What went right and why?  Who was there when it went right?  What were the conditions when it went right?  How did the relationship change and why?


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