About Last Night……

About Last Night……
I read a white paper and was introduced to a concept of playing a bigger game in life.  A game of innovation and growth.  Hmmm, that seems intriguing at this point.  Most still think that I am in mid-life crisis;I have been in mid-life crisis mode since I was 21.  It may be time to re-think most of what I see, experience and create.
The Bigger Game is about challenging comfort zones and business as usual habits.  Nothing new however very fitting for me presently.  10 years ago my writing and/or journalling was self indulged and pity focused.  Whoa as me look at the what the world has done to my life, systemic failure on all levels.  10 years has now passed and my writing is a bit different.  I am web logging daily as a religion not for cash or to impress.  My levels of shame, guilt and fear are subsiding at record levels.  My self love, self acceptance and self care levels are rocketing to heights never seen before.  Why?  I made a choice at 4am on Lakeshore Blvd W in Etobicoke 7 weeks ago.  No more of anything or anyone that is not beneficial for my heart and soul.  Wow!  WTF?  Esoteric!  New Age??!!  Not really, just business.Personal business that is, minding my own business as  I have been told for years on end by successful people.  Take care of yourself first, say no when needed to people, places and things and let the world come to you.  Let the world come to you??  WTF??  Yes, that means I have no further drive or need to shamefully chase after people, places or things in a co-dependent nature.  That means, social relations, career leads, business ventures, romance or anything I may be wanting.  Wanting??  Wanting is a state of lack and not having.  Remember this passage, “the lord is my shepherd I shall l not want.”  WTF?Wanting is a state of lack and scarcity; lacking faith, gratitiude and creative ability.
Hmmm, why do you write so heavy and scare us all?  If this is heavy and scares you there is a good chance you are reading the wrong web log.  If I seem edgy then there is a good chance there is not a fit.The above statements are ok.  Ok, in the sense that what is put in black and white here is not for everyone at this point in time.  If it fits it fits if not then it doesn’t.  Why force a round peg in a square hole?  That is where I have enjoyed struggling with life?  When events and people did not turn out exactly as I had “wanted” them to I would struggle.  How?  Resistance, denial and not accepting what has happened right infront of me and how I manufactured the circumstances that probably lead up to the downfall.
Emotional Intelligence is a double edged sword. Once we are aware of the power of emotions ours and thiers then we can choose to be responsible or irresponsible.  I myself have been schooled in EQ as I have worked with the Bar-On EQ-i and have come to know the emotional scales and other related subjects.  Sometimes my writing may seem I am anti feelings and emotions.  Actually I am a staunch suppoorter of feeling an emotion especially in a business setting as well as social relations.  I think that at this point in time the concept has been bastardized, franchised and prostituted to excess.  The core of the message has been watereed down and sold to the masses so they ‘get it’.  Getting it means how to talk to people and solve arguemnts as one Senior HR Manager explaiined it to me.  Ok, then it is talking to people and solving arguements, so what then is the concern, problem or issue at your place of work?  You seem to have generated the solution by yourself.  The concern is implementation and sustainable change over the landscape of the corporate body.  If you are not in pain or the point of pain is not enough now for you to change or be motivated to be open to change then get on with your life and forget about all of this feelings na emotions stuff.  It is only until a person reaches a bottom and actually hits bottom are they ready to change.  It is only until all is taken from them do they realize change is needed.  That combined with the ever nagging voices of shame, guilt and fear might drive change, maybe if you are lucky.
Where does humor come in?  That is for the next writing LOL!
As always it is all fun and games until someone looes and eye during rough sex.
Shawn Draisey

Job Agent

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