Everyday Invalidations Change,Loss And Grief-The Business Edition

Change is a hot word these days it is sizzling in fact aka transition, systemic shifts, transformations, impermanence, etc

Loss is moderately used and has some degree of popularity in business aka financial loss, sales losses, loss of market share and talent loss.

Grief-wtf?  We don’t talk about that here.  Grief is only talked about at a funeral.


How come?  A business goes bankrupt, doors are locked everyone is out on the street without a  paycheck and nowhere to go.  What are the emotions that may be present during this change event?


A business is sold and bought and the new owners remove all of the legacy management and replace with “their type of people.”  For the remaining employees what are the emotions that may be present with this change effort?


An entire team is eliminated due to automation.  Their jobs are now done by machines.  How might others feel about this transformation?


A key account that has been a revenue anchor for a company has been lost to the competitor after months of negotiation.  Due to this loss a company wide re-org needs to take place.  How do the employees feel about this?  What emotions related to change, loss and grief may they experience?


In the above examples a change, a loss and a grief reaction happens.  The change is duly noted and recorded as might be some portion of the loss.  My working hypothesis is that the grief is swept under the carpet, it gets denied and invalidated.  What might be the unspoken or the hidden emotions of these change efforts? Does it matter?


As I am studying the “change” piece as well as much larger systemic and social drivers of change my question returns to when do we grieve?  How does the current business system invalidate the grief piece of this chain of human events?  Even thought we seem to be heading to a more emotionally literate or intelligent workplace I am sorry but I don’t see it happening.  What I have experienced is greed, indifference, and apathy-A Git’Er Done approach!


I am a supporter of EQ/EI and overall social-emotional literacy.  How come we don’t respect grief in a business context?  My assumption is that even in the 21st century our paradigm is to separate the intellectual portion of business with that of the social/emotional even during change initiatives.


When do we infuse compassion and vulnerability with the change process?

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Everyday Invalidations What’s My Problem? Expectations!


What’s my problem?  Expectations, essentially.  Wanting people, places and things to be other than they are.  An overall lack of gratitude and lack of critical thought of how I get myself into drama and disappointment cycles.

Is an expectation and thought or a feeling or both?

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Everyday Invalidations Expectations Are The Seeds Of Future Resentments

portrait of a sad girl

My expectations set up my suffering and resentments.  Then they should be changed, easier said than done.  But what is an expectation?  How come I project it onto others?  I even have expectations for the family cat.  My sense is that they are social skills that are learned and reinforced.

Are expectations habits?

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Everyday Invalidations Small Wins And Slow Fixes For Change

I am now reading The Slow Fix by Canadian Carl Honore and Small Wins by American Karl Weick.  Both provide me with time to slow down and break the change into tiny pieces to eat one at a time instead engulfed in a mania of change that eventually fails.

And yes I am throwing in some TOC Theory of Constraints with some brain busting critical thought. Change is not easy we are wired for comfort and laziness.  I know this is harsh but look at our track record with change historically.



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Everyday Invalidations The Hollow Company


Right sized, laid off, downsized, rationalized, re-engineered or even bankrupt-insolvent?  Welcome to the hollow company run by Deadbeats, Losers and Micro Managers.  If you are reading this you may notice a little bit of resentment and anger in my words and such.  My answer to that is yes of course.


Working a 360 recruitment desk and being on the other side of the table I got to see the dark side of management and whatever passes for leadership today.  Find a good company with good people who do good.  The goodness is designed into the DNA (read culture) of the organization.

Let me deadbeats be with deadbeats and the losers hang out with losers and the micro managers well they can sit and argue with each other who is right and who is wrong and who is the most anal retentive

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Everyday Invalidations Are Deadbeat And Loser Companies The Same Thing?


This is a very good question, excellent in fact.  A deadbeat refuses to validate a relationship or an exchange of value.  There are lots and lots of companies who are deadbeats and are run by deadbeats. Their only concern is for you to do the work and they will take credit.

A loser company is one who is clueless and lives in constant denial of the ever changing reality of the marketplace.  Ego blindness might be a close analogy.  There are a ton of loser companies who are run by highly educated egoistic academics who like to smell their own arrogance and who have fetish filled fantasies about power driven mind control of the companies they lead and/or manage.  Ah yes, they seem like the neighbor next door but at heart they are sociopaths.

So now you are asking where is your data?  I do not have anything formal to present, just 9 years in the trenches at employment agencies and headhunting firms.  Come to think of it there is not enough written about deadbeats, losers or micro-managers, how come?  Am I the only one who has experienced this?

I will be pleased to delve into micro management when I post next.

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Everyday Invalidations Deadbeat Businesses Who Take Hostages-Be Happy You Are Getting A Christmas Card


This is not about customer service or client responsiveness rather pure validation of those who patronize the business service or product that an organization offers. When we last left our story I was working for a small search firm in London ON in 2008 where the owner and general manager were one and the same.  She was a deadbeat, loser and micro manager.

How come?

Not only did she tell me not to thanks my clients and candidates after a deal was made she went to lecture about how grateful they should be that we send them a Christmas card.

What is the energy at play here?  What are the emotions at play?  Anger, greed, and/or control?

But control of what?  What is the illusion she is grasping at?  Threats and emotional hostage taking or not being on our coveted Christmas card list?

This act of control and emotional hostage taking is more popular and frequent than most think.  Mass mailing plastic pens, doodle pads and templated emails to those who provide for your success is disrespectful.  Sit down and hand write a message of thanks, and kindness.  It is not meant to get more business rather to show that you have some awareness of humanity that took place during the business transaction.

Send a card today to the coffee shop, grocery store, etc where people serve you and you buy stuff.  Validate them and put some humanity back in to your life.  And if you do this already do it more!!!

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